Chicks and Giggles Resolutions

I am SO not a comedian. I am saying this because I am MCing Chicks and Giggles tomorrow and I was considering writing a few jokes for the occasion. But comedy is a craft and I will leave it to the pros: Correne Kristensen, Katina Corrao, Shannon Ennis, Robin Fox, Goddess Perlman, Jenny Rubin, Lianne Stokes and Jodi Young.

In the meantime, I wrote a top Ten List of Things That Chicks and Giggles Chicks Will Resolve Not to Do in 2005:
Chicks will not jump into the crowd and punch an audience member in the face (a la Ron Artest) because they were heckled.
Chicks will not make a sex tape with either Rick Salomon or R. Kelly.
Chicks will NOT be "that into you" (Sorry guys).
Chicks will not wear a "MILF in Training" T-shirt because Britney Spears has already cornered the market.
Chicks will not kiss another frog...unless he's French or Italian.
Chicks will not wear UGGs, ponchos, or anything else that make you look like an eskimo's grandma.
Chicks will not audition for The Apprentice because they are either scared of the Donald's hair or the crazy bitches that always seem to make the cut [e.g. Omarosa, Stacie J., Ivana]
Chicks will not drink tequila ever again... well until Cinco de Mayo.
Chicks will not tell jokes about their ex-boyfriend's shortcomings. [yeah, right]
Chicks will not come out with their designer perfume called Eau di Giggle. [they can't all be funny, kids!]